Screwed up

Long time no write. Well not really. I've gone longer than that without an entry. I'm really out of it lately. A boy at my school comitted suicide Monday night and it really shook me up. I didn't know him. I can't write about this right now. I'll probably cry if I do and I don't want to cry again. Things with Jon are royally screwed up but I'm okay with that. He's not the right guy for me now and I'm doing my best to get over him. I can go entire days without thinking about him now. I can think about him and realize that kissing him that night would have been a very bad decision. I just couldn't do that, it didn't feel right, and he was putting too much pressure on me. It shouldn't have taken the force it did to get his arms to let go of me. It should have been as simple as "I'm going to bed now. Good night." but it wasn't. It was begging and pleading and "please just let me go, I just want to go to bed, Jon". Shouldn't have been like that at all. My life lately is complicated. I'm depressed and upset and getting over a broken-heart and a whole lot of things right now. Ugh. Scott just got in. He's my grandma's husband. And it means I prolly have to get off the computer and go to bed. Damn landshark. haha don't ask. I wanna go to NYC again. Kay, I'm rambling. Shutting up and going to bed now. G'night.