Friday, July 29, 2005

My morning

My appointment with my law guardian went well. His name is Matt Fero and he said that whatever I want, he'll help me get. He is *my* lawyer and whatever I say is confidential. So I told him I'd changed my mind and that I wanted to stay in Penfield. He asked if I wanted to see my mom more. Yes. Definitly. Every other weekend even in the summer is NOT enough. It's fine for normal school year but, for breaks and what not, I'd like better visits. So I'm getting every other holiday with each parent but Christmas Eve *always* with Dad. (Family tradition that I'm *so* not willing to break yet). As for the summer, I have to think about it and call him in a week. He gave me his cell number in case I ever need him. If I think about cutting or suicide, I'm to call him immediatly. If Dad doesn't get me my OB/GYN appointment, I'm to call him. If Ray (he mentioned Ray in particular b/c of the high sexual abuse by stepfathers to their stepdaughter rate in Rochester but I'm sure it goes for any guy) touches me in an intimate way or abuses me, I'm to call him right away. He said he wishes he could beat Jon for me (because he broke my heart way back in October). It was a very interesting meeting and I'm very glad that he's my attorney. He said that he'd tell the court that it was his recommendation so that Mom wouldn't get mad at me. I don't think she'd get mad but, she would be disappointed. I hate lying to her. An omission of truth is just as bad as a lie. Mom and Dad still don't know what I said today. And they won't either. I don't want them to know and thus, I won't tell them. He can't because of the whole confidentiality agreement. Guess I've gotta do a bit of thinking about how I want my summers to be. I'm getting tired for some reason. Time to either convince Lindz to put down the damn book (she's *actually* reading!) and go skinny-dipping or go to bed.

Tink

Update: she refuses to move from the book. Guess I'm not skinny-dipping tonight. :( It's one of those things that you *have* to do at some point and I haven't done it yet and I really wanna do it this summer but every time I come over here to do so, it doesn't happen for one reason or another. It *WILL* happen before Lindz leaves for Wisconsin.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

I changed my mind. I don't want to move. Is it too late to change things? Court started 7/1, I see my law guardian on 7/29, and we go back to court on 8/16. Am I still allowed to change my mind? I still fight with Dad but now that I'm out of my depression, it's not as often and it's easier to deal with. Now I feel like school, friends, etc. is worth dealing with him for. But everything's in motion. Will I get in trouble? I'm so confsued and scared and vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. Am I allowed to change my mind or have i made my bed and now I have to lie in it?
(This is why Mom and Lori can't read this anymore.)