Shock

Ali asked me if I wanted to see her arms, meaning the pictures she scanned of her arms on the computer. Here's the conversation that transpired.

ali:  ok do you want to see or do you not do well with that kind of stuff
ali:  you dotn have to see it
ali:  i was jsut asking
me:  it's up to you.
ali:  no its really up to you
ali:  idk if you see them but you might now want to
ali:  brb
me:  okay
ali:  ok back well u want to or nto
me:  i don't know, hun. sure, go ahead and send it.
ali:  what do you nto know?
me:  a lotta stuff. nvm
ali:  no
ali:  r u sure you want to see it
me:  sure
ali:  that is nto a no and it is deff not a yes
me:  i know.
ali:  well no
ali:  or yes idk i really dont
me:  what don't you know?
ali:  idc idc*
me:  ic
ali:  i will take it as a no then
me:  if you think i should see it, yes.
ali:  idc if you see it but you do so
ali:  stop making it hard lol
me:  why did you "work on" them last night?
ali:  cuz i was upset and i was bugging and i was just in need of pain and to feel soem thing so i did
me:  what does pain do for you?
ali:  makes em feel better and it liek i need it to surive
me:  does your family not think of emotional pain as real pain?
ali:  yes we do
ali:  it is pain
ali:  but that is not what i mena
ali:  idk what i mena
me:  let me see it.
ali:  u sure
me:  yes

So she sent me the photos. I won't include them here as I think they may be a bit graphic for some. This journal may not have much so far but I sense that it'll be gaining more entries. Mostly about my friends and their relationships with their blades. *tear* I've become immune to this stuff for the most part. But these pictures and all this is making me cry. I'll be fine but will they?

My german teacher asked me what my hobbies were. I nearly asked her, "How do you say, 'I save their worlds.'?" But instead I told her, "Ich liese." (I read.) Easy out. But I guess this isn't a hobby. It's more of a job. One that I don't mind doing much. Most of the time. I'd rather do it and have them get over their problems than not do it and have them take their own life. So I guess this is more me dealing with dealing with their problems. How I feel about it and all than them. But it'll probably also be facts and what's really happening. Enjoy your glimpse into my world. It may be a rocky path but that's not up to me.

Tinkerbell