My morning

My appointment with my law guardian went well. His name is Matt Fero and he said that whatever I want, he'll help me get. He is *my* lawyer and whatever I say is confidential. So I told him I'd changed my mind and that I wanted to stay in Penfield. He asked if I wanted to see my mom more. Yes. Definitly. Every other weekend even in the summer is NOT enough. It's fine for normal school year but, for breaks and what not, I'd like better visits. So I'm getting every other holiday with each parent but Christmas Eve *always* with Dad. (Family tradition that I'm *so* not willing to break yet). As for the summer, I have to think about it and call him in a week. He gave me his cell number in case I ever need him. If I think about cutting or suicide, I'm to call him immediatly. If Dad doesn't get me my OB/GYN appointment, I'm to call him. If Ray (he mentioned Ray in particular b/c of the high sexual abuse by stepfathers to their stepdaughter rate in Rochester but I'm sure it goes for any guy) touches me in an intimate way or abuses me, I'm to call him right away. He said he wishes he could beat Jon for me (because he broke my heart way back in October). It was a very interesting meeting and I'm very glad that he's my attorney. He said that he'd tell the court that it was his recommendation so that Mom wouldn't get mad at me. I don't think she'd get mad but, she would be disappointed. I hate lying to her. An omission of truth is just as bad as a lie. Mom and Dad still don't know what I said today. And they won't either. I don't want them to know and thus, I won't tell them. He can't because of the whole confidentiality agreement. Guess I've gotta do a bit of thinking about how I want my summers to be. I'm getting tired for some reason. Time to either convince Lindz to put down the damn book (she's *actually* reading!) and go skinny-dipping or go to bed.

Tink

Update: she refuses to move from the book. Guess I'm not skinny-dipping tonight. :( It's one of those things that you *have* to do at some point and I haven't done it yet and I really wanna do it this summer but every time I come over here to do so, it doesn't happen for one reason or another. It *WILL* happen before Lindz leaves for Wisconsin.

I changed my mind. I don't want to move. Is it too late to change things? Court started 7/1, I see my law guardian on 7/29, and we go back to court on 8/16. Am I still allowed to change my mind? I still fight with Dad but now that I'm out of my depression, it's not as often and it's easier to deal with. Now I feel like school, friends, etc. is worth dealing with him for. But everything's in motion. Will I get in trouble? I'm so confsued and scared and vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. Am I allowed to change my mind or have i made my bed and now I have to lie in it?
(This is why Mom and Lori can't read this anymore.)

Thank you all.

Ali update. I don't know exactly how she is but she refused medical treatment (she can. She's 18). She puked a few times so it got some stuff out of her system. She's still alive and didn't take anything else after the EMT's left. She might be staying here for a few days to get away from it all. Dad would drive her to school but we're trying to figure out how to get her back here after school. She's better but still not exactly happy about the fact that she's still alive. Oh, and she is talking to me even though I'm the one that called the ambulance. Gotta go now but wanted to say.....

 for your prayers last night. They are definitly appreciated. So many people were praying last night for her and now that she'll going to be alright, I just hope that she makes the decision to NOT attempt to take her own life again. Thank you for all your prayers. I'm very concerned about her but I know that if she listens, God will speak to her and let her know what to do. I don't know where she is with her walk with the Lord but I hope that she realizes that everything she learned a few months ago at camp is true.

Lovingly,
Vickey

Picture from www.ilusa.com/ urltranslator.htm

Please, please, please pray for Ali.

Ali, please. Pray for her, send good vibes, whatever it is that you do, do it now, please. She's been in the hospital before (as you and I know) for attempted suicide and she may be back there. I think she's trying to kill herself again tonight. Please just pray for her. I know she needs it. For those that read my main journal (y'all prolly do), she's the one that I was concerned about in the Saturday Six entry and she is the one that I want the ability to make want to live. Please pray for her.

A very unnerved, unrattled, shaky, concerned Vickey

P.S. Worried doesn't even begin to cover it. Oh shit. She's already taken pills. Pray for her. I'm working on 911 as I type. Oh God.

Hi there.

I'm a very public person. Most of my thoughts are in my main blog. Which is why you all aren't getting a very heavy dose of crap. For one, I forget about this journal. For two, I write a lot in my main blog and I'm very public. I might transfer some stuff in here at some future date so that not everyone can read about the whole temptation bit. But maybe not. I don't know. I guess I'm too trusting. I'm strongly considering adding a few people as well. But I'm not sure. So, yea. I'm gonna go now. Much love to all!

Tinkerbell

Ali update

Ali update.... She's in the hospital. She tried to kill herself. She thought I'd be mad. I'm not mad. I'm sad that she got to that point, I'm disappointed that she felt that was her only option. From the part of the conversation I overheard (Lindz was on the phone with her) she cut and she took pills. I didn't hear what pills or how many. Excuse me while I beat Lindsay into a pulp for being such a dorkus. Okay, I'm back. Lindz isn't dead. Yet. Anyhow, back to my entry. I've just been informed that she took a whole lotta medicine, ibprofen, flu medicine, cold medicine, aderal, and some other stuff. She also used scissors and I'm not going into detail because I a) don't want to have to write it and b) don't want to gross/freak y'all out. Lindz is going to visit her on Sunday and I might go along. I don't know if a) I'm emotionally/mentally stable enough and b) where I am. So yea.... more mental battles for me to add. Whatever. I'll deal with it. Somehow. My blogs are keepin' me sane regardless of the shit that goes on. So yay for JLand! *snaps* So yea.... I'm off to go write up the laughs Lindz gave me in my public journal. If you haven't read it yet, go read it. It's hilarious.....

Tinkerbell

JuMpInG!

Okay, I can't stop jumping up and down and all that and whatever. Anyhow, just an update on Ali. I called the HS and talked to her counselor. She's apparently getting help. I didn't give any more details to her shrink but she said that "there's a lot of people paying attention to [Ali]". So I feel better about that. Yay for Ali for getting the help! I'll talk to her soon and get her to talk to me about what she told her shrink, if she's willing. Now, I'm off to do my usual. A million things at once.

Tinkerbell

Oh, and this journal's NAME is going to change to something but the address will not. Not sure if it'll mess with the alerts when I do change it. I've gotta find a new name before I change it. Hmmmm..... *thinking cap on*