Thank you all.

Ali update. I don't know exactly how she is but she refused medical treatment (she can. She's 18). She puked a few times so it got some stuff out of her system. She's still alive and didn't take anything else after the EMT's left. She might be staying here for a few days to get away from it all. Dad would drive her to school but we're trying to figure out how to get her back here after school. She's better but still not exactly happy about the fact that she's still alive. Oh, and she is talking to me even though I'm the one that called the ambulance. Gotta go now but wanted to say.....

 for your prayers last night. They are definitly appreciated. So many people were praying last night for her and now that she'll going to be alright, I just hope that she makes the decision to NOT attempt to take her own life again. Thank you for all your prayers. I'm very concerned about her but I know that if she listens, God will speak to her and let her know what to do. I don't know where she is with her walk with the Lord but I hope that she realizes that everything she learned a few months ago at camp is true.

Lovingly,
Vickey

Picture from www.ilusa.com/ urltranslator.htm

Please, please, please pray for Ali.

Ali, please. Pray for her, send good vibes, whatever it is that you do, do it now, please. She's been in the hospital before (as you and I know) for attempted suicide and she may be back there. I think she's trying to kill herself again tonight. Please just pray for her. I know she needs it. For those that read my main journal (y'all prolly do), she's the one that I was concerned about in the Saturday Six entry and she is the one that I want the ability to make want to live. Please pray for her.

A very unnerved, unrattled, shaky, concerned Vickey

P.S. Worried doesn't even begin to cover it. Oh shit. She's already taken pills. Pray for her. I'm working on 911 as I type. Oh God.

Hi there.

I'm a very public person. Most of my thoughts are in my main blog. Which is why you all aren't getting a very heavy dose of crap. For one, I forget about this journal. For two, I write a lot in my main blog and I'm very public. I might transfer some stuff in here at some future date so that not everyone can read about the whole temptation bit. But maybe not. I don't know. I guess I'm too trusting. I'm strongly considering adding a few people as well. But I'm not sure. So, yea. I'm gonna go now. Much love to all!

Tinkerbell

Ali update

Ali update.... She's in the hospital. She tried to kill herself. She thought I'd be mad. I'm not mad. I'm sad that she got to that point, I'm disappointed that she felt that was her only option. From the part of the conversation I overheard (Lindz was on the phone with her) she cut and she took pills. I didn't hear what pills or how many. Excuse me while I beat Lindsay into a pulp for being such a dorkus. Okay, I'm back. Lindz isn't dead. Yet. Anyhow, back to my entry. I've just been informed that she took a whole lotta medicine, ibprofen, flu medicine, cold medicine, aderal, and some other stuff. She also used scissors and I'm not going into detail because I a) don't want to have to write it and b) don't want to gross/freak y'all out. Lindz is going to visit her on Sunday and I might go along. I don't know if a) I'm emotionally/mentally stable enough and b) where I am. So yea.... more mental battles for me to add. Whatever. I'll deal with it. Somehow. My blogs are keepin' me sane regardless of the shit that goes on. So yay for JLand! *snaps* So yea.... I'm off to go write up the laughs Lindz gave me in my public journal. If you haven't read it yet, go read it. It's hilarious.....

Tinkerbell

JuMpInG!

Okay, I can't stop jumping up and down and all that and whatever. Anyhow, just an update on Ali. I called the HS and talked to her counselor. She's apparently getting help. I didn't give any more details to her shrink but she said that "there's a lot of people paying attention to [Ali]". So I feel better about that. Yay for Ali for getting the help! I'll talk to her soon and get her to talk to me about what she told her shrink, if she's willing. Now, I'm off to do my usual. A million things at once.

Tinkerbell

Oh, and this journal's NAME is going to change to something but the address will not. Not sure if it'll mess with the alerts when I do change it. I've gotta find a new name before I change it. Hmmmm..... *thinking cap on*

Shock

Ali asked me if I wanted to see her arms, meaning the pictures she scanned of her arms on the computer. Here's the conversation that transpired.

ali:  ok do you want to see or do you not do well with that kind of stuff
ali:  you dotn have to see it
ali:  i was jsut asking
me:  it's up to you.
ali:  no its really up to you
ali:  idk if you see them but you might now want to
ali:  brb
me:  okay
ali:  ok back well u want to or nto
me:  i don't know, hun. sure, go ahead and send it.
ali:  what do you nto know?
me:  a lotta stuff. nvm
ali:  no
ali:  r u sure you want to see it
me:  sure
ali:  that is nto a no and it is deff not a yes
me:  i know.
ali:  well no
ali:  or yes idk i really dont
me:  what don't you know?
ali:  idc idc*
me:  ic
ali:  i will take it as a no then
me:  if you think i should see it, yes.
ali:  idc if you see it but you do so
ali:  stop making it hard lol
me:  why did you "work on" them last night?
ali:  cuz i was upset and i was bugging and i was just in need of pain and to feel soem thing so i did
me:  what does pain do for you?
ali:  makes em feel better and it liek i need it to surive
me:  does your family not think of emotional pain as real pain?
ali:  yes we do
ali:  it is pain
ali:  but that is not what i mena
ali:  idk what i mena
me:  let me see it.
ali:  u sure
me:  yes

So she sent me the photos. I won't include them here as I think they may be a bit graphic for some. This journal may not have much so far but I sense that it'll be gaining more entries. Mostly about my friends and their relationships with their blades. *tear* I've become immune to this stuff for the most part. But these pictures and all this is making me cry. I'll be fine but will they?

My german teacher asked me what my hobbies were. I nearly asked her, "How do you say, 'I save their worlds.'?" But instead I told her, "Ich liese." (I read.) Easy out. But I guess this isn't a hobby. It's more of a job. One that I don't mind doing much. Most of the time. I'd rather do it and have them get over their problems than not do it and have them take their own life. So I guess this is more me dealing with dealing with their problems. How I feel about it and all than them. But it'll probably also be facts and what's really happening. Enjoy your glimpse into my world. It may be a rocky path but that's not up to me.

Tinkerbell

Realization....

Jake is really way too dependant. He depends on me to keep his sanity. I don't mind helping him but his world does NOT rest on my shoulders. I'm getting much better about realizing this and knowing that I can say something and the world will not fall down. I don't need to be the rock for everyone. G-d is the rock, not I. I am but a mere servant to Him.

Tinkerbell